My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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