he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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