Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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