Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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