She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize