i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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