The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
