I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
