i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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