And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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