I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
