We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
