i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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