So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
