Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
