I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
