Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
