too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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