i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
