genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
