I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
