She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
