Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
