names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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