I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
