You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
