your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
