ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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