i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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