imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
