Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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