What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
