You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
