shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
