I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
