i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
