My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
