I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
