i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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