So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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