I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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