id be glad to
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
