ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
