We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
