Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
