i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
