Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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