Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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