Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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