you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
