We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
