New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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