"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
