If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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