Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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