do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
