Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
