So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
