I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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