Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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