my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was confusing and full of hummus
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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