why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize