its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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