Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im on a boat
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