Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
