I just pynch a tree in the face
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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