I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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