nut hugger
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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