just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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