You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
