Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
