No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
