You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
