I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
