Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
