Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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