I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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