he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
