yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
