Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
