RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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