"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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