We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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