Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
