so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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