2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize