my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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