Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize